Zaeed the Old Romantic
by Hot Dog BSG
Summary: Zaeed and Chakwas, budding romance


"What the hell is that?" He asked, almost incredulous.

"One of my own special recipes; _Gunk a la Gardner_" Replied Gardner in his best deadpan. Sixth months with this crew had allowed all culinary-based criticism to wash completely over him.

"Why are you back to serving this shit?" Zaeed asked gruffly in an attempt to hide his disappointment. He hated to admit it but the recent servings in the mess hadn't been that bad. Or at least, they were about as good as could be expected when prepared by someone who split his time between the kitchen and sanitation duties.

"The Commander only brought 500 credits worth of provisions. That much can only last so long." The cook replied patiently.

"What, so does that mean no more of that Calamari Gumbo?"

"'Fraid Not."

"How about that **Kahje sushi with some **Asari honey marinade?"

"Nope."

Zaeed lifted the tray with the plate full of whatever the hell Gardner has rustled up and repeatedly and quietly goddamned everything about this goddamn ship, this goddamn crew and this goddamn suicide mission.

He plonked the tray down in disgust as he took a seat at an empty table. Ah, they aren't a bad bunch he reasoned to himself as he calmed down from this culinary setback. If the quality of food was his biggest concern then life on the Normandy wasn't so bad. The regular crew were a decent bunch for the most part. Some of the specialists on the other hand … he was wary of some of the people who were used for the combat missions.

The two Cerberus agents, Lawson and Taylor definitely couldn't be trusted. Lawson in particular seemed like she would have no qualms about pumping a couple of rounds into your head as soon as your back was turned, if the mission or the Illusive Man demanded it.

And Taylor? Taylor didn't seem like a bad guy but he was pure soldier. Zaeed knew the type since his time in the Alliance. Taylor would follow any orders from his superiors to the letter.

He scooped a spoonful of Gardner's goop into his mouth and looked over to the medical station. The good Doctor was there with that Asari Justicar.

"My god, the tits on her!" Zaeed thought to himself. He had a passing knowledge about the Justicars and their code and was relieved it didn't extend to aging mercenaries with dirty minds.

He smirked at the thought before turning his attention toward Chakwas. Now there was a woman! She may have had the fancy education and talks like she might be a bloody aristocrat but he also knew that she could drink this entire crew under the table while resorting to language that would make the toughest Drill Sergeant blush.

A couple of weeks back, Zaeed had joined Chakwas, Gardner and a couple of the older crew members in a card game that quickly dissolved into a heavy drinking session. In a couple of hours the two crewmembers had retired to their quarters and Gardner had passed out, without much grace, on the floor behind his serving counter.

"Bunch of bloody pansies." Zaeed had sworn as he drunkenly motioned around the room at nothing in particular.

"Yes, the capability of this crew to hold their alcohol has disappointed me." Replied the Doctor in her usually haughty toighty manner.

Zaeed didn't mind. He liked a woman with a bit of class. The problem now was trying to get her in the sack. All he needed to do was use of bit of sophistication; try to woo her because getting her drunk clearly wasn't working for him

"So…." He began.

"So." She replied deadpan.

"Fancy a tumble?"

He was mentally scolding himself the instant the proposition exited his mouth. "Oh, real classy you dickhead." He cursed inwardly.

The Doctor however, gave a slight smirk, grabbed the bottle of brandy, stood up and motioned for him to follow as she walked to her office.

"Goddamn right." He said to himself as he polished off his drink and followed her into the Med Bay.

The fact he had promptly passed out the minute he lay on one of the beds wasn't important. What was important was the fact that the Doctor clearly wanted him. It was in her eyes, clear as day. If Zaeed Massani knew one thing, it was women.

He just needed to play it cool. The fact he had barely talked to her in the two weeks since then, was probably playing it too cool, he was willing to admit. But all he needed was an opening. An opportunity to sweep her off her feet.

Maybe he could pay the Krogan to go on a rampage in her office. Then he would storm in, Zaeed Massani to the rescue! He'd punch out the Krogan, sweep Chakwas into his arms and carry her back to his cabin for some good times.

"I'd have to pay the Krogan extra to take a dive." He reasoned to himself.

"God! How shit at this are you?" The voice chided from behind, interrupting his train of thought."

"Piss off." He replied by way of greeting.

"Seriously you need help, just admit it." Jack said walking past to take the seat across from him.

"And I suppose you're all knowing about this sort of stuff? A real romantic, I bet." The merc shot back.

"I've got some experience."

"Pulling tricks on Omega doesn't count."

"Oh well, fuck you then." She replied. They were joking with each other. It was just their manner. For whatever reason, Zaeed was one of the few people on the ship Jack would talk to. He'd wager if anyone else had made the same joke she'd have smeared the wall with them and then probably tattooed some part of her body in celebration. At the rate she was going she'd soon have to start putting any new tats on the top of her shiny head.

"So what do you suggest?"

"Follow me and find out." She said as she rose from her seat.

"Yeah, right, you're a proper comedian, a goddamn laugh a minute."

"I'm serious. You gotta do something before you become so obsessed that you're crawling through the air vents and perving on the Doc through a hole in the ceiling."

Zaeed rolled his eyes. If that's the game she wanted to play; it was fine by him. He'd call her bluff, it's not like she'd walk into the Med Bay and tell the Doc about his apparently not so well disguised desires.

Although he had to admit she had him a bit worried when she walked over to the Med Bay entrance. "Just keep the poker face going." He told himself, she's probably feeling pretty foolish right about now.

When she actually walked in and went over to Chakwas he had to admire how far she was taking the charade.

And when she made a circle with the thumb and forefinger on her left hand while thrusting her right middle finger through the gap before pointing to where he was sitting…

"Goddamn it."


End file.
